Breath
by KDMOSP
Summary: It's interesting though, while you can distinctly decipher what breath belongs to what member, you also have noticed that everyone breaths as one. You hear five breaths taken at once, your team is breathing as one. And with the sound of a gun shot, there is one less breath over your mic, one less member of your team breathing.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I am trying to write more and more.. it's a work in progress:**

**Please review!**

You don't know why, but you know this is different. Something feels different, and not a good different. An ominous feeling has swallowed you since you first took this case, and now, right now, it encompasses you. You cannot shake it, but you cannot afford to focus on it.

You are so close, you and the team are on the verge of arresting a horrific UNSUB, one that plays by no rules, and shows no mercy. And now, you and your team, and the local police are moving in to end this, once and for all.

It was Reid who made the connection to what you now know is the hideout, you have confirmation of that. The gruesome evidence litters the nine story abandoned hotel, you knew you were right the moment law enforcement entered the building.

You also knew that he had a victim, and that time was running out- if it hadn't already. In an instant, you had made the decision to split the team up, to cover more ground. It was as JJ walked away, confident in her strides, that you began to think you may have made a mistake. But you stop yourself from second guessing, you don't have time for that, and neither does the current victim. JJ is a strong and capable federal agent, and a hell of a shot; and accompanied by an experienced SWAT officer. Of all, she is the least you are worried about.

Except for her recent risk taking, and it gnaws at you. It is something you will have to talk to her about once this is said and done. You cannot help but worry about her in the field, but she has proven herself capable and you don't have anything to go on to pull her out.

And right now, you need all the help you can get. You watch as she disappears into the stairwell before you head the opposite direction.

You can hear your team over the mics. You hear their breaths and it has become a soothing thing for you- when you all are in this type of situation.

Morgan, you hear him, Rossi and Reid and Kate and JJ. You hear them all, they are so quite, but you can hear every breath they take. And you wonder if they do the same for you, listen to each other's breathing. It's interesting though, while you can distinctly decipher what breath belongs to what member, you also have noticed that everyone breaths as one. You hear five breaths taken at once, your team is breathing as one.

You nod at the SWAT officer with you and together, you begin your search, hoping to bring Donny Tyran into custody. It's a massive building, hundreds of places to hide. From what Garcia had discovered, the hotel had once been the jewel of the Dallas skyline but when the 2008 recession hit, the hotel simply could not keep up. It shut down and had yet to garner any interest in real estate.

The blueprints showed well over five hundred bedrooms, six kitchens, a laundry room, spa, the list went on and on. And somewhere, somewhere in the maze, your UNSUB was hiding. It was the ultimate game of hide and seek, but he was outnumbered and he would lose. They all did. Eventually.

Slowly, quietly, you made your way up the stairs, you had decided to take the eighth and ninth floors and as you walked up, you listened for any noise, anything that would clue you into that this was finally over. You listen for one of your team to shout FBI, you listen for a struggle, you listen for a warning- you hear nothing.

You search every last corner, every bedroom and bathroom, everywhere until you have exhausted your search. He is not up here and you lower your weapon and gaze out the window. Nine floors below, you see Morgan canvassing the perimeter and without asking, you know he has not seen a thing.

God, what if Reid was wrong? What if this isn't the place? You stop that train of thought instantly, Reid is not wrong, Tyran is here. Somewhere.

You think back to the profile, how he loved surprises, how he always seemed to be one step ahead, how he would lure…

And then you stop. You stop and think. It's a trap, you all have walked right into a trap and you are now scattered about the building.

"Get out, everyone out now!" You order, hoping you are wrong.

You hear voices respond, Rossi and Morgan, Reid and Kate, all acknowledging that they heard your command. They know the drill, you say something and they do it- arguments can come later.

"JJ? Your heart drops, why hadn't she responded? "JJ?" You try again as you rush down the stairs.

"H.. I am.." Her voice is breaking up, but at least you heard her. But had she heard your message earlier, to evacuate the building?

"JJ- Get out now." You frantically voice and hope that she heard you.

You see the door and slow your pace as you see other members of your team and their SWAT counterpart outside. You immediatly look for her and your heart stops when you don't see her instantly.

"Where's Jacobs?" You turn to the SWAT leader.

"Who?" And you stop, right then, he just confirmed what you already were on to.

"Jacobs, the officer we sent with Agent Jareau!" You don't have to say another word, you and the team are already rushing back into the building.

"We don't have a Jacobs on this team…"

"JJ!" You command her attention, hoping that she will answer.

"Hotch, I'm coming. We got turned around." The relief you feel at the sound of her voice is almost palpable.

"JJ, is Officer Jacobs with you?" You ask, hoping he has not caught onto what you know.

"Yes, he's right.." She stops talking.

"JJ?" You signal for your team to enter, to find her. "JJ?"

It stops you right then, you close your eyes as you hear it. You actually hear the struggle that is taking place, the words being thrown around and then the awful sound that meets you next.

"Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.." The man cooes, and you hear the sicking sound of what you know to be JJ's body to be hitting the floor. You hear her breathing hitch, a groan of pain.

"Wha..?" She coughs and you can tell she is gravely wounded. "Hotch.." She whispers.

"We're coming JJ." God, where is she?

"Agent Jareau, nobody will find you in time. You have a four inch knife stuck in your back.. I could pull it, but I would use it to slit your damn throat." You hear a crack and a cry of pain.

"Jacobs.." You know she says it, she identifies the man who did it.

"Jareau." You want to vomit as you hear what sounds like a kiss on her body. "Say goodbye.."

"NO!" You scream at the same time you, and the twelve other law enforcement hear the sound of a gunshot- coming from the opposite side of the hotel. You were nowhere close.

And you hear one less breath over your mic.


	2. Needs You Now

**Thank you all for your reviews! Here is the next chapter:**

The only way to describe what is happening over your mic, is chaos. You cannot remember how many times, or many have ordered Garcia to call for an ambulance. How many times JJ's name has been shouted, or cried.

The entire hotel is swarming with activity, everyone frantically searching. Not for Jacobs this time, they are trying to find one of their own and they know time is running out. If it hasn't already. It's a thought you don't want to consider, but you have a horrible, sinking feeling that your next call to Garcia will be to ask for the medical examiner.

JJ isn't responding to any calls over the mic, and you have not heard her breath since that gun shot. So, you allow yourself to consider a few possibilities as you continue your desperate search.

One, is that the mic cannot reach down wherever she is, and she simply cannot hear you.

Two is that JJ is alive and unconscious, or conscious but unable to talk.

Three is that Jacobs took her with him.

And the fourth, the fourth is the one you do not want to think on, yet, you know it's the most likely. That JJ has died, and the thought is unbearable.

But she is your charge and regardless of what has happened, you will bring her home.

You had sent her to the pool and basement areas, so naturally, that is where the focus of the search is. You are about to command everyone to sweep the hotel when you nearly slip in something, and you close your eyes because you know what it is.

You look down and see the blood and something else, and you know you will come back to it later because now, now you have a blood trail and you follow it.

"HOTCH!" You hear Morgan scream and take off towards the sound of his voice. "Hotch, in the pool!" He directs you and you run faster then you have in a long time.

"Is she breathing?" You huff over the mic, knowing JJ had been found.

"Hotch, get the medics here now." Morgan says, not answering your question. "She needs them now."

"They're coming, Morgan," You reassure as you enter the pool area.

"Morgan." You jump in next to him and stop. Hell is not the word to describe what you are seeing, Morgan is leaning over JJ, his hands soaked in her blood as he keeps his fingers on her pulse and his other hand pressed firmly to her side. You see a pool of blood oozing from underneath his fingertips. The familiar red substance is pooling from JJ's side but that is not what has your attention.

Next to Morgan, is Reid his hands are placed firmly on JJ's head, near her temple. Blood is trickling out from underneath his fingertips and his entire body is shaking. Tyran has been long forgotten, right now, you need to save her life.

"Garcia, how far out are they?" You speak.

"Two minutes.." Her voice is shakey.

"Garcia, she doesn't have two minutes."

You sink down beside the two men and gingerly remove Reid's fingers and place your hands on the spot.

"Boss," Garcia's voices comes. "The.. they need to know her injures."

You swallow. "She has been shot in the head, and has a wound in the side." You hang your head as you say the words. "There is no exit wound for the bullet."

Nothing else is said, the room is quite as everyone sits next to you, to her. Her immediate team has surrounded her, SWAT surrounds you all protectively.

And you can hear a pin drop as you sit next to your gravely injured agent with your hand to her skull and hoping and praying that somehow, someway, she can survive this.

As a lawyer, law still runs deep within your blood. And although you may not be practicing at the moment, you are thinking of every way you can sue the paramedics for taking their sweet damn time to get to JJ. You are not sure what part of "Federal agent down, gunshot wound to the head, stab wound to the side, and unconscious" justified not running lights and sirens, but apparently, that is what is happening.

"Garcia!" You lose it, and even though you know it is not her fault. "Hack their damn systems and get the nearest ambulance here NOW!" You demand.

"Sir," You can almost see the tears in her eyes, "They are so close.." She whimpers and you clench your teeth. You owe her an apology later, later when JJ is not dying in your arms.

You look down at JJ, and gently, carefully, brush a strand of hair away from her eyes, careful not to move her in any way. "Hold on JJ," You whisper to her. You want to make sure, that God forbid she does die in your arms, that the last thing she feels is a familiar, kind touch, that she hears a comforting voice.

The last thing you want is for the last thing for her to have felt is fear.

"Jayje," You look up at Morgan, he knows what you are doing. "We're here girl, keeping fighting." He urges and strokes her pale cheek with a bloodied hand.

Together, you, Reid, Rossi, Morgan and Kate speak to her, hold her, let her know you are there, reassure her that she is safe.

Except she is not, and you watch in horror, as Morgan's fingers begin to move, slowly at first but soon, frantically. "JJ!" He shouts and repositions himself. "Hotch, I.. I can't find her pulse."

You swear to yourself and then slowly, carefully, help roll JJ onto her back, knowing what you have to do next. You rip off her vest as Reid presses his lips to hers, while Morgan begins pounding on her chest. Your cringe as you hear her ribs break but know it is for the best.

You have lost count how many rounds of CPR have been done by the time the medics finally rush in, and as you sit back on your knees and watch as they take over- you allow your mind to fully realize what is happening. That JJ might not make it out of this building..

The thought is sicking, and you feel your composure evaporating as you watch the medics work.

"Sir?" Your eyes shoot up as you see them speaking with Morgan, "We're here, but need you to continue doing CPR, can you do that?" They ask and you see Morgan nodd, sweat dripping down his face as he continue to pump on her chest.

He then turns to you and asks questions are you not sure you can answer right then. "How long has CPR been going?"

You open your mouth but find that nothing comes out, you cannot speak as you watch CPR continue. "I.."

"About three minutes," SWAT, its one of the SWAT officers, the commander. He is stepping up for you, knowing that somehow, you are very close to losing it. "Lost the pulse about three minutes ago." He further explains and you nod your head in gratitude.

You feel as if you are watching yourself, watching JJ and the medics. Watching as Morgan's strong arms pound on her chest, as the medics work as one and begin life saving procedures. One goes to her head and and opens her mouth with one hand, while a instrument and tube are in the other. You watch as he slips the tube down her throat carefully but skillfully before attaching a bag to the end of the tube- they intubated her. Your agent, JJ, is now intubated and is still requiring CPR.

The other medic, has focused himself on JJ's side, the bleeding wound near her chest. His stethoscope presses to JJ's chest and suddenly he mutters something to his partner before turning back to his kit and grabbing a tube. You don't know what was said, but you know it's bad as the medic simply shoves the tube into the horrific wound. You hear gagging and retching but don't bother to turn around, you need to be strong for JJ.

So much is happening that you are not sure where to focus your attention, and when more paramedics arrive, you know without a doubt that JJ is very gravely injured.

It's when they stick pads to her chest and grab the defibrillator, that you take a deep breath and whisper into your mic.

"Garcia." Your voice is calm, although on the inside, you are ready to scream.

"S.. sir?" Her voice is shaking.

"Call Emily." You bow your head as your watch JJ's body jump again from the defibrillator.

"Is JJ.."

"No." You tell her, cutting her off. "But I want Emily here when we arrest the bastard who did this."

"We got her.." You look up as you see the medics looking at a monitor. "It's weak, but we have her. Let's go."

You follow them out the door but stop when you see the helicopter, they are flying her to the hospital. Fuck. How the hell did you miss that; that a medevac chopper had been called in?

"Sir, are you coming?" One turns back to you and motions for you to follow. You stop and turn to your team, watching as Kate confronts Morgan who is kneeling on the ground, breathing heavily. His job is done, he did CPR for an incredible amount of time, and because of him, JJ is still alive.

It's Rossi who, with one look, pushes you to go with her. They have it, your team can handle this- right now, JJ needs you more than anyone.

As you climb into the chopper and take a seat, you catch a glimpse of something- a crowd has formed, and media trucks are racing towards the perimeter, no doubt the helicopters have already arrived.

"Garcia," Again, you speak into your mic. "Get the news out of here."

There is no reply, but you know she heard you, and right then, right now, you turn and focus on what is most important. Saving JJ's life.


	3. Swelling

**WOAH! Thank you all for all of your reviews! They really make my day! I am not a doctor or nurse, or anything near the medical field, but I do have an awesome BETA who helps me with all of that jazz! Thank you Rieke!**

**Oh and guess what? I don't own Criminal Minds.. I don't own anything really, except my dog.. and I think he owns me...**

It's hell. What is happening right now is nothing less than hell. Except there is no fire or heat, instead, you are surrounded by terrible medical noises. Beeping and shouts, and medical terms, and the sound of the helicopter as it glides through the air in a desperate race against time.

And the calm demeanor of the flight nurse as she and the paramedic work to keep JJ alive. "Another round of epi, 10ccs." You watch in shock as a odd looking device is pulled from a backpack and quickly straddles JJ's chest. You don't ask questions but know it's bad when the machine begins pressing on JJ's chest with the press of a button. And it clicks, the machine is doing CPR, the chest compressions, JJ's heart has stopped beating for the second time in ten minutes.

It's an interesting device, it frees up hands for the medics to breathe for JJ, and set up the defibrillator. Again.

Again, electricity is being shot through her body, and each time, her tiny body jumps with the surge. "Still V-Fib, recharge," You hear the nurse command and you want to tell them to stop. To stop hurting JJ.

You cannot stand the thought of JJ hurt, but the fact of the matter is, she is hurt. Severely injured. You find it ironic though, as you glance down and see the terrible scar on her stomach, that at the time of the scar, electricity was used to torture her, to harm her. Now, it's being used to keep her alive.

And suddenly, you hear it, a comforting noise and the voice. "Got her. Sinus Tachycardia. Nice job." You look back up and see the paramedic stopping the device from continually pounding on JJ as the nurse at JJ's head, gently wipes away away a trickle of blood flowing down her cheek. With her other hand, she expertly continues to squeeze a bag connected to the tube in JJ's mouth.

"Sweetheart," You listen sa the kind nurse whispers to JJ. "You are doing a fabulous job fighting with us, just keep it up."

She looks over at you and nods in your direction. "What's her name?" She asks.

"JJ." Your voice is weak, tired, and scared.

"Well then, JJ." She glances back down. "My name is Korra, we have a bit more of a ride until we get to the trauma center- let's try and keep it boring. What do you say?"

You cannot help but smile at that.

"Agent." You glance over at Kora's voice. "We found this underneath her shirt." She nods to the side and you see her badge lying under the gurney. "Her gun is still on her, would you mind?" She gestures to JJ's side and you cannot believe that in all the chaos, JJ's gun was left on her side.

And it makes you think back to what happened. JJ never had time to draw her weapon.. an ambush. Your eyes glance to her arm and you see the faint imprints of a boot.. and what happened to JJ is slowing forming in your mind. You will have to mull it over before you speak it out loud, but you are getting an idea.. And anything at this point helps.

"Agent?" Kora is looking to JJ's gun. "Are you alright?"

"Will I hurt her?" You ask, scared to inflict any more injuries on JJ's body.

"No," She smiles reassuringly. "But we don't want to accidently lose her gun.." It's a half ass way for her to ease the tension and you reach over and gently grab your agent's gun.

And as you do, you see it. A tiny movement, its so small at once, but you see it. She shouldn't be moving, you know that- they gave her a sedative when they intubated her.. why is she?

"Shit!" Kora suddenly jumps up and her partner pushes you away. "Mike!" She shouts to the pilot. "Mike, we have to get her there NOW!" She shouts and you don't understand the sudden urgency until you look back towards JJ.

You know instantly what is happening, she is seizing violently, moving violently with a bullet lodged somewhere in her skull. And you know, that everything may have just gotten worse. Somehow, everything got worse.

"Mike, Lorazepam, now." You hear Korra order as she gently holds JJ's head. "Shh, honey." She soothes. "I know, I know.." She is careful as she holds JJ's head, not restricting movement, but reducing it..

It seems like hours later, but you see the medication begin to take effect, you watch how the shaking slows before eventually stopping altogether. You see sweat pouring down JJ's face and without thinking, you reach over and gently wipe it away.

You watch as Mike gently lifts JJ's eyelids, one by one and shines a light in them. "Korra." His voice is soft but it still grabs your attention and you see Korra repeat the same procedure before shaking her head.

"What?" You dare to ask them.

"Agent- her pupils are indicative of brain swelling.." Korra doesn't sugarcoat it. "It shouldn't have happened this fast.."

Brain swelling? That can be fixed right? "What does that mean?" You find yourself asking.

"Agent Hotchner," She pauses. "It means we are running out of time."

And you glance at your watch, you are still fifteen minutes away from the hospital. God, JJ. Hold on.


	4. Okay

**The reason I am posting so much so quick is because if I stop writing, I will not pick it up again. I love this story and want to keep it going. Thank you all for your support:**

**If you have anything you want to see in this story, please let me know and I will consider it. Not going to be romance though :)**

It is a collection of noises that you know you will never forget. The constant orchestra of medical noises that seem to be attacking you from every angle- it's overwhelming and your mind is on overload.

You stand in the ER trauma room, your back pressed against the wall, as far away from the staff as you can be, but close enough that if JJ were to need you, you could get to her quickly. You failed her earlier today and couldn't get to her fast enough, that won't happen again.

"35 year old female, GSW to the frontal lobe," You hear Korra begin to detail. "Deep stab wound to the left thoracic cavity with tension pneumothorax in the field." JJ was shot in the head, and has a penetrating stab wound to her side. You have read thousands of medical examiner reports, some of which have these exact injuries. "sustained cardiac arrest in result of the tension pneumothorax. first CPR in the field successful. treated the pneumo thorax with unloading the pressure by tube. On the chopper repeated cardiac arrest with V-Fib, successful resuscitation. She sustained one seizure last nearly a minute. Treated with Lorazepam on the chopper. suspected brain swelling. BP is 90/50, heart rate 120/min and oxygen saturation is 93% under ventilation."

Carefully but urgently, JJ is transferred from one gurney to another and you turn your head when you see blood on the first gurney; where her head had been. It's real.

There is a flood of activity in the room, nurses and at least three doctors. You don't know their exact positions, but watch as they work closely as a team- everyone knows their jobs.

Your eyes dart back and forth as you watch numerous things happening simultaneously. One woman dressed in black scrubs, her blonde hair pulled back in a messy ponytail is at JJ's head, her fingers carefully assessing the bullet wound.

Another person is on JJ's right side, and you watch as he starts what looks to be another IV- you will have to ask Reid about it later.

"Sir?" You look up to see someone standing at your side, she must have snuck in because you hadn't noticed her before. "Why don't you come with me?" She offers and gives a soft smile.

"I.." You look back towards JJ and then you feel it. You see it, and you feel it all at once. Her blood is everywhere, its spilling onto the ground, its all over the staff, and its all over you.

Your hands and clothes and shoes and skin are stained with her blood, her blood is literally on your hands.

"Sir, she is in good hands." She tries to convince you, but you cannot make your feet move and your eyes are glued to the scene in front of you. You hear the woman next to you take a deep breath and touch your arm. "Sir, Dr. Molly is a great neurosurgeon, your friend is in good hands. But we need to leave now." She emphasizes and suddenly you see a drape placed over JJ's head and a horrific looking tool handed to whom you presume to be Dr. Molly.

"What.." You begin, but stop when you hear the noise, you know what is about to happen.

You think you have it all together, you think you are okay at managing this, but when Dr. Molly place the rotating drill to your agent's head and begins to saw through her skull, you know you have lost it.

It's a terrible sound,and somehow, despite every other sound in that room- you can only really hear two of them. Your own heartbeat, and the sound of the drill grinding into JJ's skull. And then, through the fog is a strong, steady, reassuring voice.

"Hotch?" Rossi, you know it is Rossi without even looking away. "Hotch, let them work." His voice echos your fear, your concern, and yet, you nod and follow him out the door.

He leads you to a small waiting room and you know- you have seen this before, what the small, private waiting room was for. And as soon as you walk in and see the faces of your team, your legs turn to jello and you find yourself sliding down the wall.

You have tried to hold it together, tried to be strong, but now, now you cannot. And you allow yourself to be weak, you allow tears to form in your eyes, matching those of your team. Everyone has tears and you accept that that is okay, but right now- nothing is okay.

It is the furthest thing from okay. The situation is not okay, your team is not okay, you are not okay, and God- JJ is not okay.

And then your phone rings, it's Cruz, and you close your eyes. How is anything going to be okay?


	5. Dallas

**Thank you all so much for your support! Please review! OOH and I forgot to mention, some of my stories have been nominated for the PCA's! Thank you all so much for doing that! It gave me my confidence in writing back!**

The cup of coffee in your hands has long since chilled, and you never had a sip. The hospital staff has been incredibly accommodating, offering anything and everything- from more coffee to dinner, to blankets and everything in between.

You cannot remember how many cups of coffee have been placed in your hands, how many have grown cold just sitting there. You take comfort though, in the steam radiating from the cup, you just cannot make yourself drink any of it right now.

"Hotch?" You look up to see Rossi standing in front of you. "I spoke with Cruz." His voice is soft, caring, but strong at the same time. "He is on his way down here right now." He pauses. "Have you called Will?"

You shake your head. "I wanted to wait until I spoke with the doctor, so I could have something to tell him.." You explain as you glance up at the clock, and while it seems like an eternity, you have only been in the small room for ten minutes.

Rossi nods and you can tell he wants to say more, but suddenly, there is a knock at the door and you all jump up to your feet. In walks the doctor from the trauma room and you feel your heart rate accelerate once again.

"Agent Hotchner?" He looks directly to you, then motions for you to have a seat. To your own surprise, you actually sit back down, and the team circles protectively around you. You glance up at the doctor and see more blood on his scrubs, and the nausea comes flooding back.

"Agent Hotchner, my name is Craig Koss, I am one of the attendings here in the ER." Right now, formal introductions, you do not care about. You want to know about JJ. "I worked on Agent Jareau when she first arrived. I want to let you know that as of right now, we have her stabilized. She is in CT right now and will be headed to surgery after that. Dr. Elizabeth Molly will be her neurosurgeon and she will speak with you when the surgery is done." He stops and takes a sip of water and you notice, for the first time, that he is sweating, red. He worked hard to save JJ's life.

"The bullet.." You hear Kate speak up.

Dr. Koss nods, "In a way, she is extremely fortunate. Dr. Molly will be able to remove it.."

"Ill need that." The FBI agent, the protective leader is kicking back in. You want that bullet, you want to find the bastard who did this and nail him to the wall.

"Yes, Dr. Molly will get it to you. Right now, Agent Jareau's brain is swelling to the point we needed emergency intervention. Dr. Molly had to drill a hole in her skull to relieve some of the pressure." He pauses again. "Right now, unfortunately, I simply do not know how she will fare. There is a chance that she may pass in the OR. She is very, gravely injured- but at this point, we do not have a choice."

You nod, not able to say anything else

"She was also stabbed in her side which caused her lung to collapse, we have been able to repair that and will monitor it closely." He looks to each one of you. "I know this is a lot of information, but do you have any questions?"

You stop and look up, outside and see the media trucks beginning to ascend. "I have not notified her family yet," You speak, "No information is to be released about Agent Jareau."

"Of course not, Agent Hotchner." He speaks. "Our security team is aware of the sensitive matter and is setting up a perimeter to help ensure her privacy."

You nod, grateful that you do not have to explain much more. "Thank you." You tell him as you begin to notice something happening on the outside of the hospital. The media is present, yes, but something else has caught your attention.

Reflections of red and blue bounce off the walls in the small room and you turn your head wanting to shut the blinds. The ambulance lights are blinding and right now, you have a headache coming on, you don't need anymore stimulus to add to it. But when you stand up to close the blinds, you stop in amazement. It isn't the ambulance, it's a parade of police cars, parked outside the hospital. Cops in uniform stand on the grass, on the pavement, near their cars, chatting, talking, but supporting one another. You have never met most of them but feel connected to them. You know why they are here- for JJ. They are here to show JJ their support.

And it means so much.

And when the door opens and the SWAT commander walks in, along with the chief of police- you know one thing is for damn sure. Tyron has just angered the wrong city- and now, he has not only the FBI coming for him, he has the entire state of Texas.


	6. Emily

**I had an interesting request from a reviewer who asked if I would consider writing from some of the other's POV. The answer is of course, but because I am OCD, I like to keep my stories consistent with one POV. HOWEVER, I am always willing to try something new. The way this would work is I would chose maybe two or three other characters and write, however, I would want to start their POV from the time they enter the building. So, I have a few options. I could start another story that parrallels this one, or I could reach a point in this story- then backtrack with the other character and tell the same story with their POV. **

**Please let me know what you think. This story has had a great response, and don't want to mess with a good thing!**

**Second, I am bloody exhausted! I have to work a lot right now- so I am coming home and firing off these chapters and trying to make them well written! I am sorry if a few aren't as great as the rest. But it's that- or you wait up to three weeks for me to publish one chapter. **

Your hands are uncharastically shaking as you hold you phone in your hands. You have the call to make- and you have not done it yet. God- what do you say? What do you do? You are lost, just as you have been for hours now- not sure what to do, what to think. But you know one thing for certain, it is on you, and you alone to make that dreaded call.

Rossi has offered, he handled Cruz's call, Morgan is dealing with Garcia, but this, this is your duty, your obligation to your agent. Yet, you still cannot force yourself to do this.

You take in a deep breath and announce to the team that you need some air before heading outside, careful to avoid the front entrance of the hospital where the media has gathered. They would ascend on you quicker than you could escape- identity you easily by the protective vest you are still wearing. You are in no shape to speak with the media. Not yet.

You have to let Will know. He deserves to know, he has to get to Dallas. After all, JJ isn't even guaranteed to make it through surgery- you are only hurting them by delaying this.

You brace yourself as you press the phone to your ear, and wait. And wait, and wait.

Finally, on the fifth ring, you hear it pick up and prepare yourself.

"Hotch?" Immediately, you hear it in his voice, he knows why you are calling.

"Will." The word fumbles out of your mouth.

"Oh God, the agent shot in Dallas.." He pauses. "It's JJ.." His voice, you hear everything in his voice as he connects the pieces. "Hotch, how bad is it?"

You imagine him running around the house throwing things together, knowing he needs to get to Dallas.

"You need to get here, Will. As soon as possible, you need to get here."

"Is she..?"

You shake your head. "She's in surgery, but Will." Your voice cracks.

"Henry. Do I need to bring Henry?" He asks, and you know he understands the urgency.

You swallow and think back to Jack losing his mother, do you want to put Henry through that? Will he hate you as his grows up for telling his father not to allow him to come, or are you protecting the young boy. "Yes." You find yourself saying. "Just in case it comes time to say goodbye."

And then you hear it, you hear a sob escape Will and tears form in your eyes again. "Will, get on the next flight here. Someone will meet you at the airport."

"Hotch don't leave her, I am coming, but please don't leave her."

You cringe. "I won't."

You are still sitting there, in the vacant hospital hallway when you feel someone come and sit next to you. You don't look up, not wanting to call attention to yourself, and not in the mood to talk.

When, suddenly, a soft hand reaches over and grabs yours, and you know who is here now. No words are exchanged but you flash back a few years ago when the positions were switched. When JJ was sitting here, silently comforting you.

"Emily." You finally whisper.

"I'm here, Hotch." You can tell she has been crying, who hasn't. "How is she?" She asks and you shake your head.

"Not good." You answer honestly. "Not good." You reach up and rub your face with your hands. "She's in surgery right now."

"That's our JJ." It takes you by surprise and you look up at Emily who offers a weak smile. "What? Hotch- she made it this far, you and I both know that she will pull through this and want to be with us when we arrest the person who did this."

"We?" You cannot help but smile at her.

She nods. "Let's just say, I have permission from a certain director for a special assignment." She looks up and takes your hand. "We'll get him, Hotch, we'll get him."


	7. Heart Break

**Y'all are awesome! Thank you for your reviews. I have decided that I will write another story, that is basically this one, but shows other POVs. I just don't know when I will start it. **

**Please review!**

It's heartbreaking, the scene around you. Your team is in a state of shock, you have never heard them so quite and you look around and can almost read each of their thoughts.

You know your team, and you know, just like you, they are blaming themselves for what happened with JJ. You are doing the same thing- blaming yourself.

"I.." You begin and watch as their heads shoot up to look at you. And you realize it right then, they are looking to you for direction, they need you to be their leader, JJ needs you to be their leader.

But you also need to be real. You need to be human. A friend. JJ isn't just a member of your team, she is so much more. She is like a daughter to you, you know Rossi feels the same way. She is a baby sister to Morgan, a big sister to Reid, a mentor to Kate. And to Emily and Garcia- she is their best friend.

She is so much to so many people and the very image of her lying helpless in that pool is now forever seared into your memory.

She is a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, an advocate. She is quick-witted and gentle, incredibly intelligent, ambitious and athletic. She is a hero. A survivor.

And you bring your hands back up to your face- it has not been the best few years for your agent. Her kidnapping, her torture, her PTSD. Now this. You know so much more happened with Askari then she has let onto, more than what is in the file but you are also very much aware of JJ's need for privacy regarding the matter.

And then the diagnosis of PTSD came and you weighed your options of forcing her to undergo more extensive treatment before allowing her back into the field. But you stopped short- and knew that would only harm JJ, would only hamper her psychological healing.

You, wanting to protect JJ from any further traumatization, ended today with her being shot. If only, if only you had taken her out of the field, she wouldn't be in this position.

You take in a deep breath and begin to address your team when a knock comes at the door and you see a nurse walk in.

"Agent Hotchner?" She has a bag in her hands, with the words "Patient Belongings" typed in massive blue letters on it.

"These are Agent Jareau's belongings, everything that was taken off of her." She tells you. "Her watch, clothes, hair tie- it's all in there."

You look at her and take the bag, you are not worried about much, but remember you will need her clothes for evidence. You thank the nurse and take a seat again, the bag dangling in your hands. It's as you are looking to the floor, you notice something in the bag, and gently, you reach inside and pull it out.

A picture of Will and Henry together, blood has stained the photograph and you wonder how you missed it. How long JJ has been carrying it with her.

"She.. that's her favorite picture." You look up to see Garcia leaning over you. "I.. she asked that if something were to ever happen to her- that we take care of that picture, to make sure Will gets it." She smiles through her tears. "He doesn't know about it, she took it one day when they were at the park." She pauses. "She asked that I help make it the smallest size possible for her to carry with her- she keeps it in her vest, so that her boys are always close to her heart."

You nod and whisper. "Garcia, do you have a copy of this?" You ask, staring at the picture.

"Of course.."

"I.. we need to get one to Will."

She licks her lips and nods again, understanding the unspoken thought. And you are about to continue when another knock sounds at the door, and this time, you recognize the person who walks in.

It's Dr. Molly and you immediately are able to read the expression on her face. And once again, you feel yourself falling apart.

Oh God.


	8. Hope

**Thank you all for your reviews! I am hoping to get another chapter up tonight.**

Hope, it's a powerful word, and you are clinging to it by a thread right now. A four letter word is what is keeping you sane. You have hope- that even as you unintentionally profile Dr. Molly, that your instinct, your gut feeling, your profiling skills are all wrong. But you know how rare that is, how rare it is that your instinct and gut feeling are off- that your profiling skills are wrong. You pray they are, please, please let you be wrong.

It's only been five hours since she was shot, since you first made that call of "agent down." Five hours since your dropped next to your agent, taking in her pale face, the blood everywhere, five hours since she stopped breathing. Five hours since that horrible helicopter ride, five hours since you handed the life of your agent over to complete strangers. And only four since she was rushed to brain surgery. All of the medical documentaries and shows you ever have watched, brain surgery takes many hours. Not four. Right now, to you, - four hours is heart wrenching.

If you are ever wrong- please let it be this moment. Please let it be that JJ is okay, that despite every feeling telling you otherwise- her brain surgery went exactly as planned and that in a few hours, you will be speaking with her.

You have to hope.

You finally, somehow, lift your eyeline to meet hers and immediately, you feel comforted. It feels a lifetime before she begins to speak, but you know in reality, it has only been a few seconds. Instantaneously, you take her in, and you know why she makes you feel comfortable- she looks just like JJ. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a tight, but messy bun, her black scrubs are pristine, despite the fact that she just completed an emergency brain surgery. Her demeanor is calm, having a calming affect on you- she is good and confident in her job.

"Agents." She begins and makes eye contact with all of you. "I am Dr. Elizabeth Molly, I am the chief of neurosurgery here." You feel a rush of relief, the hospital had the best of the best working on your agent. "I was with Agent Jareau as soon as she entered the emergency room here." You nod, you know that- you remember seeing her standing next to JJ, gently touching your agent.

She reaches into your pocket and pulls out a small vial. "We were able to remove the bullet." Your eyes are drawn to the vial and you see the round, sitting in the tube. "I need you to stay with me as I explain what has happened." She pauses. "Agent Jareau made it through the surgery.." And right then, you take a breath, a deep breath- the first one you have taken in hours.

"She is one hell of a fighter," You nod, yes you know that. "I will be honest, most people never make it to the emergency room with the injuries she has sustained, let alone survive the OR." She pauses. "During the surgery there was a lot of bleeding, more than we expected, but we were able to control it." You hear the unvoiced 'but' coming. "We noticed immediately that there was increasingly, alarming amount of pressure building on her brain and we had to remove part of her skull to release that pressure, to stop the edema that was forming." She looks at you to make sure you are following and you nod and glance back at Reid, you know he is taking in all the information. "We had to place a shunt, essentially a very, small, tube that has been placed inside her skull, it'll drain any excess fluid into her stomach.." She licks her lips and you get the sinking sensation that she is not telling you everything.

"Right now, we have elected to put her in a medically induced coma. Her brain is swelling and we need to try and stop that, the swelling and the brain injury do not make for a great combination. We will be monitoring everything, including the swelling with an EEG. She is being moved to the neurosurgical intensive care unit." When she looks down, you know she has not told you everything.

"What else?" Morgan, it's Morgan who speaks up.

Molly nods, her voice has lowered. " Agents, I am so sorry to say this but the injuries Agent Jareau received are what we would deem catastrophic. I cannot gurantee the next twenty four hours."

It hits you like a ton of bricks, it hits all of you like a ton of bricks. It really is as bad as you had thought, there was no sugar coating it, or denying it anymore. JJ was not doing well.

"What are you saying?" Your head shoots up at Morgan's voice. "Is she going to die?" You hear anger in his voice- he needs a straight answer.

Molly closes her eyes and you can tell she is thinking hard about her answer. "I do not know for sure what is going to happen, but right now, I can tell you her chances of survival are not good. I am saying that the next twenty four to forty eight hours are critical, we have to monitor her carefully and closely. Right now, we cannot afford to have anything go wrong."

It's almost another two hours before Dr. Molly agrees to let you see JJ. It's been seven total since she was shot, and seven hours of freedom that bastard doesn't deserve. As soon as you see JJ, and meet with Will, your entire focus will be on finding Tyron the asshole who did this.

"I need to warn you," Dr. Molly stops you and Emily outside of the ICU room where you guess JJ has been admitted. It's directly in front of the nurses station and you notice a crash cart has been parked next to the door. It maybe procedural, but the fact that it's right outside JJ's room is nothing something that goes unnoticed. "It may be a bit overwhelming, there are a lot of tubes and wire connected to her right now. She is dependent on a ventilator and the bruising and swelling are becoming apparent. You will see that her left eye is bruised." You find a sort of comfort in her explaining everything to you.

"One thing that I am not sure has been mentioned is that her left arm is broken. It looks as though she was stepped on with a lot of force." You close your eyes and imagine Tyron's three hundred pound frame, stomping on JJ's arm, snapping it. It was all about power, all about force.

"We just want to see her." It's Emily who speaks up and Dr. Molly can only nod before leading you into the room.

You stop immediately. The noises come at you from every end, the smells, the lack of light, the absolutely clinicalness of the room. It's white, and no stimulus can be found. You briefly wonder if they are doing that on purpose, no stimulus to prevent her brain from trying to process anything.

"Go ahead, you won't hurt her." Dr. Molly pushes and walks behind you and Emily as you slowly approach JJ.

It's frightening, everything that is encompassing your agent. You can hardly see her buried beneath the maze of wires and tubes.

"Hi, Jayje," You watch as Emily walks right up to JJ and takes her hand in her own, before reaching up and gently stroking her cheek. You cringe when you notice the bruise surrounding JJ's eye, the gauze around her head.

"JJ," Emily's voice is soothing, comforting and you find yourself listening to her. "I am right here. Hotch is here, Morgan and Rossi and Reid, and Kate and Garcia. We are all right here for you. We are going to protect you, you just worry about getting better." She reaches down and grabs something and placing it gently in JJ's hand. There is no reaction and Emily has to hold it into JJ's hand. "We found your picture, the one with Will and Henry. As soon as I can, I am going to go get you a frame and we will hang it up in this boring room, what do you say?"

"JJ," Emily turns to look at you. "You did something none of us have ever been able to do. You got Hotch to cry. You need to see it really, he isn't as big bad and tough as he thinks he is."

"That's not true." You smile. "And it wasen't crying.."

"Sure, okay, JJ, then I guess he was watering his cheeks. When you are ready, you need to open your eyes and see this because he might cry, or whatever he is doing, again."

You sniff and look up at the lights to stop more tears from falling. It's hard if not impossible to do as you look JJ over again, before walking over to the oppsoite side of Emily and taking JJ's free hand in your own.

You are there, and as long as you have a say in it, someone will always be there, holding JJ's hand.


	9. 911

**AN: Thank you for all of your reviews! I have a MEGA favor for someone, anyone! I would love to see this story as one of the video fanfic things.. y'all know what I am talking about? I wrote a story a long time ago for ER and someone was able to do the video (youtube ER Snowfall Remastered 2010) and you will see what I am talking about!**

**If ANYONE could be willing to do that, for this story, i would love you forever- and I'll even offer a bribe. I will update the story of your choosing, or write one for you (gotta be JJ centric though- ) pretty pretty please!**

**THANKS!**

You ball your fists together as you walk through the ICU, headed towards a conference room that the hospital has dedicated to you and the team. It's on the same floor as JJ's room and you are incredibly thankful for that; that and the fact that the hospital has graciously provided you a valuable meeting space for you to base your investigation. They know you and your team will be here for an infinite amount of time, and they waved it off before they ordered delivery to be brought to you.

It was a nice gesture, but you know that nobody had an appetite, nobody could stand the thought of eating right now- not with JJ's life on the line.

It's as you pass the ICU waiting room lobby that you notice the television is on, and the occupants of the room are glued to the breaking news story. You cringe when you hear the reporters voice.

"Thank you for joining us tonight, we are going straight to Rebecca Holland who is standing outside Parkland Hospital with updates on our breaking news story."

"Thank you, Ryan. I am outside Parkland where an injured federal agent was rushed a number of hours ago. If you are just now joining us this all began just after one this afternoon when the FBI surrounded the former Skyline Hotel; looking for a suspect in a number of violent murders occurring in North Texas for the past eight months. At approximately 1:13, 911 received a request for an ambulance, the caller relaying that an agent had been shot in the head, and stabbed in the side." You tune out for a second, as images of JJ lying motionless flood your mind. "A press conference is scheduled for an hour from now, and we will join them at the time."

You forgot. You had a press conference to set up. You quickly shake your head and continue towards the conference room.

Less than half an hour later, you take in a deep breath, tighten your tie, and roll down your sleeves, you run a hand through your hair and tuck in your shirt before steadying yourself. You have been waiting for this, planning this for a while now, it was inevitable since you heard that gun shot, and now the time has come.

You have done it hundreds of times, but never before have you felt this way- so many conflicting emotions running through you as you force yourself to start walking outside. Your team marching in step with you as you prepare yourself to address the media.

Originally, you had planned to do it after Will and Henry had arrived, but you had just gotten off the phone with Will and he informed you that their flight to Dallas was delayed, that a rather large and dangerous storm was heading straight for you. You had mentioned going forward with the press conference and told Will that everything you planned to say, he already knew. He had agreed, now was better than later, he wanted Tyran in custody and knew the media was one of the most efficient ways to nail him.

So, with everyone at your side, Dr. Molly behind you all, you step out to face the crowd of media. It's briefly blinding, the cameras as they flash in your face, but soon, you are on key and ready to address the millions of people who will be paying attention to you.

"My name is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, I am the agent in charge of the Behavioral Analysis Unit based at Quantico." It's the standard line you begin every press conference with. "My team and I have been in Dallas for four days, investigating a man we believe to be responsible for nine deaths in the last eight months. We have identified him as Donny Tyran,"

You know that every reporter, every news station covering this, has the picture of Tyran, you know in minutes his face will be plastered all over the country. "We believe Tyran is responsible for the shooting of Special Agent Jennifer Jareau. Agent Jareau's injuries are life threatening and her prognosis is not good at this time." You pause. "Our search for Tyran is ongoing and we ask that if anyone has any information as to his whereabouts, you call the tipline. The number will appear on your screen.." You are about to go one when you hear something and look back to the team behind you.

It's Dr. Molly, and she is pulling off her pager, her cell phone goes off next, followed by yours. And you watch as she reads the message on her phone and the color drains from her face before she takes off running. You glance down at your phone and see the text that appears. "JJ-911" Is all it reads, it's all you need to know before you abandon your place and take off running after Molly. Take off running for JJ.


	10. Partner

**Yep, two updates in one day! Writing really helps me when my PTSD is becoming overwhelming. Your reviews keep me going.**

**Thank you!**

You are running up the stairs, tailing Molly as she takes the steps two at a time. For such a petite woman, she runs damn fast and you are having a hard time keeping up with her. You somehow catch up with her as she disappears into the ICU floor.

You are just behind her when the stairwell door slams shut in your face and despite your best efforts to catch it in time, you hear the familiar sound of it locking. You slam on the door press but it will not open and you feel the tears welling up in your eyes. Something has happened to JJ and you cannot get to her because the damn hospital has secured the ICU. Because the hospital went above and beyond what you had asked them to do.

You are about to run back down the stairs when you see a security guard rushing up them, a man in green scrubs closely behind. They pay no attention to you as they rush past you and fly through the door, giving you the way in to the ICU. Thank God.

You make it and begin rushing to JJ's room terrified of what you will find, you know something has gone wrong, that much is obvious and when you round the corner and see activity in and out of JJ's room, you know the page was serious.

Dr. Molly is in the room, along with three nurses and what you presume to be another doctor, pressing his stethoscope to JJ's chest. It's a calm chaos, a controlled emergency, and at the center of it all is your agent.

"C'mon, JJ." You hear yourself whispering as you watch the doctor's begin talking.

"Ann." The new doctor looks to one of the nurses. "Call OR, tell them we are coming."

"No. Hell no!" You hear Molly state and glare at the new surgeon. "She can't. She just got out of surgery a few hours ago. She won't survive another one."

"What do you expect me to do, Elizabeth?" He glares at her. "She just put out 400 ccs of blood in an hour.." You have no idea what that means, but no it is not good.

"Something else, but I am not allowing surgery."

"Then you are killing her." HIs words stop Dr. Molly in her tracks.

"Peter, there has to be something else we can do." She lowers her voice and you see the way they look at each other. They aren't just co workers, there is much more going on.

"What Lizzie? I am willing to listen to any suggestions.." His tone has grown softer and you watch him looking at her. Right now- to them- it's only them and their patient in the room. They have no idea you are watching their interaction.

Molly takes her hands off of JJ and shakes her head. "Peter, she won't survive.."

"Lizzie, she won't survive without it."

And you know, you know right then that you, and the two doctors and JJ are stuck. Damned if you do, damned if you don't- JJ loses either way.

"It's five hours minimum, Peter- she's had enough trauma."

Peter drops his head. "I know, Lizzie. I know."

She shakes her head but backs up. "Please, take care of her." The young doctor whispers.

"Of course, Lizzie." You watch as a wave of people rush in and mob JJ and within seconds, she is rushed past you and out the door.

You still have no idea what has happened.

"Agent Hotchner?" Your head snaps up and you see Dr. Molly looking at you.

"What happened?" You ask.

"I'm sorry Agent Hotchner, I should have explained it. The wound in her chest is much more severe than we thought, I.. she's drowning in her own blood right now. Dr. Hogan is taking her into emergency surgery. He will crack open her chest.."

"You told him she wouldn't survive."

"She has to be able to breathe, agent. Everything I have done for her neuro wise means nothing if she cannot breathe."

She is about to comment more, you can tell, when Morgan walks in, his expression tells you something is wrong. Again. It's a damn train wreck this day, everything is going wrong, nothing is working.

"Hotch, man." He is shaking his head. "Where's JJ?" He stops and looks around..

"Surgery." You will explain it later, right now, you need to know what is happening.

"Hotch- Donny Tyran turned himself into police in St. Louis" You are sure a puzzled look crosses your face- St. Louis? Already? No, it doesn't make sense and that filling of dread begins to fill you again. "Yesterday- he turned himself in yesterday."

You lick your lips, allowing the new information to sink in. "He didn't shoot JJ, Hotch, someone else did."

"Tyran has a partner." And you are back to square one.


	11. Lost

**AN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read! I need yall to promise you will stay with me after this chapter. Promise! I am not giving anything away, but if you like how this one goes, or don't like it, just promise you will come back for the next chapter :)**

**Get your tissues ready. And if there is anything you want to see happen, PM me, or just leave it in the reviews! Thanks!**

You shake your head, this cannot be happening. Your worst fears have come to life- you have failed. And you have failed in the worst possible way. Because of you, because of your negligance, everything that can go wrong, has.

"Agent Hotchner?" You cannot force yourself to look up, you hear the voice and understand the doctor is concerned, but the breath has been taken from you, and you are desperately trying to keep yourself together.

"Agent Hotchner, drink some water." A styrofoam cup is shoved into your hands, and as you take it, you notice your hands are shaking to the point that water is spilling out of the cup.

You don't know what to do, what to do now. You are lost, you are at a loss and devastated. Devastated isn't what you are feeling, you are not sure there is a word in English to describe the feeling- you are not sure there is a word in any language to describe this.

"Can I see her?" You finally speak.

"We need to get her cleaned up.." The doctor explains.

"It won't bother me," You fight.

"For her dignity, agent. Please, let us clean her up." Molly reaches over and gently touches your arm. "I promise, we will take good care of her." You open your mouth to speak, but she interrupts you. "It won't be much longer, give me another ten minutes and I will personally walk you back."

"I.." You don't know what to say and so you simply shake your head as you finger her badge in your pocket.

How are you going to tell them? Tell Will and Henry, the team? How do you face them now?

You know this is what will destroy you, this will be the end of your career, you cannot possibly face this happening again. You don't know how you are going to face this one.

So you don't speak, you sit there and think and think and think, until Dr. Molly comes back around and motions for you to follow her.

You walk down a few hallways, then behind a few more doors. "Agent." She stops you. "I'm sorry." She whispers before opening the door and allowing you in.

The smell hits you immediately, it's nothing like you have experienced, something is off but you cannot pinpoint i

The OR is so quiet as you make your way over to the table, to JJ. You have to smile when you see her- the doctors did a magnificent job in cleaning her up. She is incredibly pale, the once rosy cheeks are now snow white and her lips are blue. There is no color anymore and you cannot help the tears that begin to fall.

"JJ." You whisper, reaching down to take her hand. There are no more tubes to worry about, she isn't hurting and nothing you can do will hurt her anymore. Any sign of injury is gone and right now, you do not worry about evidence, you have so many other things to worry about.

"JJ, I am so sorry." You begin, "This should have never happened."

And for the next hour, you stand next to her, holding her cold hand, telling her how proud you are of her, how much she will always mean to the team, to the FBI, to the people. You promise to take care of Henry and Will, and the team.

And you promise never to start looking for the person who did this, if it is the last thing you do, you promise her, you will never stop looking. You talk about how you know Haylee is welcoming her with open her arms, how it must be wonderful to be reunited with her sister.

And you talk about her baby- the one you were not supposed to know about. The baby she lost, you tell her to hug that baby tight and love that baby and be the best mother she could be.

She had already accomplished that on earth, but that baby needed her.

And you keep repeating it over and over again, as if you are trying to make yourself feel better, trying to justify why she left. But you cannot, nothing is helping right now, nothing can bring her back.

And there is nothing you can do, your badge and gun mean nothing when death steals someone. And you cry, you cry over the loss of your friend, the loss of so much.

You cry so much, you don't bother answering your phone as it begins to ring, as it vibrates in your pocket. And for the first time, you let your phone go to voicemail. Nothing else matters right now.

You have lost.


	12. Flowers

**I am sorry I have not updated. I really am not happy with this chapter, but forced myself to write tonight. Once the weekend roles around, I should have more time to write! Please review!**

Your phone keeps vibrating in your pocket, keeps ringing and for the life of you, no matter how many times you hit the "silent" button, the phone keeps going. You don't have time to deal with this right now, you have to deal with so many other issues.

"Agent Hotchner?" It's Dr. Molly's voice and you shake your head, you cannot face her right now. You can't leave JJ, not yet. "Agent Hotchner?" She calls you again and you look up. Immediately, you are confused, you can hear Dr. Molly as if she standing next to you, yet, you cannot see her. "Agent Hotchner?"

"Hotch!" It's Morgan's voice and suddenly, suddenly everything changes.

You jump up and look around, trying to understand your surroundings. You force yourself to swallow as slowly, things come into view.

"Hotch, you okay?" Morgan is looking at you concerned.

"I.." You look around, you are in the waiting room, sun is beginning to rise, and more people have gathered in the room. The surgery waiting room. "Where's JJ?" You manage to speak.

"She's still in surgery Agent Hotchner." Dr, Molly takes a seat next to you. "Are you okay?" She asks.

You can only nod, it had been a nightmare, a horrible nightmare. "How is she?"

Dr. Molly smiles. "Surprising us at every turn. I just stepped up and Peter was happy with her progress. A bit of good news for you."

"What?" You glance at your watch, it's well into the early morning. It's nearing twenty four hours since JJ was shot.

"Hotch, Rossi and Reid went to meet Will and Henry at the airport." He looks like hell, and you can only imagine how awful you look. "Kate and Emily are on their way to St. Louis to speak with Tyran."

"Has anyone slept?" You feel guilty, because you know you have. If only for a few hours.

"We couldn't go anywhere, bad storm hit. The hospital brought in cots and a few of us tried to get some rest." He shakes his head. "But.."

"Nightmares?" You ask, knowing he had probably experienced the same thing you had.

"Yeah." He whispers. "Um, I haven't seen her and I want.."

Dr, Molly smiles. "As soon as she gets back up stairs, you all are welcome to see her." She pauses and looks at both of you. "By the way, the flowers you sent her, we can't allow them in the ICU.."

Morgan shoots you a look and you stand up, suddenly alert. You know nobody on the team, or with the FBI had sent any flowers. "Did they come with a card?" You ask, not wanting to alert Molly about anything, just yet.

"The nurse called me about them, said they are a beautiful bouquet. Apparently, it was signed by an Agent Jacobs."

And your heart drops. You have to protect JJ, and you don't even know who you are protecting her from. And you know that whoever he is, he is playing games with you now. But you are not willing to play games with JJ's life..

"Morgan.." You look over but already see him racing down the hall.

Nobody is getting to JJ, nobody will hurt her again. And you are dammed and determined to make sure this monster pays- and you don't give a damn if he ever sees a jail cell. You know that he will never make it that far..


	13. Five Days

**AN: Thank you all for staying with me. I haven't updated because an officer in my town was shot and I could not write a fic about a pretend character when a real life hero was fighting for his life. Good new is, he looks like he is going to be okay! **

**Question for you all: Of all my unfinished stories, which would you like me to finish next? Thanks! Also, Emily is "here" on special permission from Cruz. I think I mentioned that in the third chapter.**

**ENJOY!**

Today marks five days. Five days since your life was turned upside down- five days since you last had any confidence in yourself. Five days since that bullet ripped into JJ's skull, and that knife into her chest; forever changing her life, her husband and son's lives, and the team's lives.

She was not expected to survive that second surgery, you didn't find that out until after she was out. The fact that she did, just made you even prouder of your agent; she was showing everyone that she was not done just yet.

However, she was still in a medically induced coma and from what you have gathered, the staff has not intentions of attempting to bring her out of it anytime soon. Apparently, her brain is still too swollen, and they do not want to risk anything.

She is doing well though, Dr. Molly comments on that everytime she examines JJ. But in the same breath, the gifted neurosurgeon also warns you that they are simply going hour by hour with JJ right now- and they cannot even think of a few hours ahead. The way you translate that is that they still believe JJ to be in grave condition.

One night, you met with Will in JJ's room and took Henry from his arms. It was as soon as you left the room with the little boy, that you heard the strong detective begin to weep.

"Why is daddy crying?" Henry had asked.

"He misses your momma," You explained. "He just wants her to wake up."

Henry had smiled at you and placed his hands on your cheeks, making you smile. "She's been sleeping a long time, huh Uncle Hotch?"

"Yes, she has." You had set him down and held out your hand for him to grab as you looked down on the spitting image of JJ.

"Can we buy momma a present?" Henry had asked. "Her room is so boring!"

"What do you think we should get her?"

You chuckled a bit when you watched him chew his lip, trying to come up with a perfect gift. You just prayed and hoped he would not say flowers, flowers were expressly forbidding in the ICU room.

And then your mind jumped track, because you remembered the flowers that had been sent that night- from an Officer Jacobs- the man who had shot JJ. You still did not know who he was, and there are no leads.

It was almost as if a ghost had shot JJ.

Tyran had denied having any knowledge of the shooting and had willingly sat with Emily and Kate for close to seven hours. He had confessed his other crimes, but would not admit to having involvement with the shooting of a federal agent.

You were back to square one. And on the third day of this damn nightmare, Emily had called you and told you that Tyran, the only possible lead to JJ, had killed himself in prison.

You had nothing. Nothing to tell JJ when she woke up, nothing to comfort Will with, or ease the stress on your team. Nothing to tell the blood thirsty media hounds and nothing to ease your conscious.

And it fuels your fire.

So, as you sat in JJ's ICU room, you read and poured over case files, seeing if someone, anyone would want to do this to JJ. Someone she had angered, a family member of someone she had arrested, someone from her time in Iraq.

And there was nothing.

Nothing but a bullet that was kept in evidence. And what you knew about the bullet, made you sick.

Not only had the asshole shot her after he stabbed her. He had shot JJ with her own weapon.

It was not a detail you wanted to release, only to those who needed to know. You could only imagine the field day some would have with it, the questions and victim blaming being discussed.

How did an experienced FBI agent lose control over her weapon? Why did the shooter put it back? Did anything come up from the handle on the gun? And so on and on.

It's questions you do not have the energy to answer right now. Instead, you are focusing on what happened when you last saw JJ in the hotel, and to the time you first heard the scuffle.

You replay it over and over and over in your mind, you dream it, and you know you are missing something. You just do not know what.

And with a deep breath, you realize something you do not want to. You understand you will have to go back to that hotel and figure out what the hell happened five days ago.


	14. Broken

**AN: Thank you for your patience! I work A LOT! I drive on average 200 miles a day for my job- and I am not in the transportation industry! So, I am BUSY!**

**ENJOY! And please review! Also, if you are new to my stories, I do not "fluff" things out, meaning, JJ's injuries are severe and what could happen in real life, could happen in the story. In other words, she is not just going to "wake up" from a coma and be fine.**

You take a deep breath as you allow the water to pour over your face in the shower. You hope you had taken one in the last five days but you honestly can not remember. It has been all a blur for you and you have not realized how truly exhausted you are, until you stepped into the shower.

You collapsed immediately onto the ground, allowed yourself to sink onto the floor as the hot water washed over you. You press your hands to your face and try to stop the tears coming, but it isn't happening- and they flow. Mixing in with the hot water.

It was Dave who finally forced you out, who handed you a key to a hotel room and demanded that you leave. You had no intentions of leaving JJ's side, until Cruz sided with Rossi and banned you from the hospital for twenty four hours.

There was no arguing. Cruz made it exceptionally clear that this was non negotiable.

So, here you sat in the shower, too tired, frustrated and scared to even stand. You are not sure how long you have been in there, but know it's been a bit when the hot water slowly begins to fade. Quickly, you wash yourself and somehow gather the energy to step out of the shower and dry yourself off.

Its as you are walking to the bed that something slipped under the door catches your eye, a small white envelope and you assume that the hotel has already billed you for the room service your ordered earlier.

It can wait.

You glance at your watch, it's nearing one in the afternoon, and you asked Emily and Morgan to meet you at the crime scene at five. You figure you can get a few hours of rest before starting over again.

You don't dare think of sleep, because you know you probably cannot get that. Not with JJ so sick. You have tried and of course had a few hours of sleep total in the last few days, but that's all you get.

You keep having nightmares, over and over and over again. You find yourself flashing back to the sound of the gunshot, to finding JJ, to hearing her last words and somewhere deep down, you feel you might be developed some early form of PTSD.

But you press forward, you have to. And you are asleep before your head hits the pillow.

You wake up gasping for air, and feel the familiar sense of nausea washing over you. You cringe and hope you will not vomit your earlier meal and slowly, thankfully the nausea passes. Another fucking nightmare.

With a sigh, you glance at the clock and see you got almost an hour of sleep. It'll have to work, you need to get back to it. You told the team to meet you at the scene at five, that doesn't mean you can't go earlier.

And you are dreading it, dreading heading back to the place where JJ nearly lost her life. The guilt you feel is incomprehensible, you cannot put it into words. You sent JJ into that blood area, and you should have known. Somehow, you should have known earlier that it was a trap.

And now, you have an agent fighting for her life with no guarantees. The doctors still cannot say if she will make it, still cannot tell you what she will be like if she does. There are no answers from either side. The medical side or your side.

You still have nothing on the ghost shooter, despite teams working twenty four seven to provide evidence. Whoever shot JJ had been planning it for a long time and that makes your blood boil.

With the guilt, comes the anger, with the anger comes the fear, with the fear come the anxiety, the anxiety forms the dread and the dread takes you back to the guilt. It's a vicious cycle you are caught in with no end in sight.

And for the first time, you actually feel for the families of the victims. Because this time, like families so often are, you are now dependent on someone else for answers, for JJ's medical team. Right now, its a waiting game.

A sharp noise causes you to jump and you look down to see your phone ringing, your heart skips a beat. It's Rossi.

"What's wrong?" You answer, already looking for your keys and wallet to head to the hear the noise in the background and your heart races again, you hear Dr. Molly's voice in the commotion but cannot make out what she is saying.

"She's seizing, Aaron. They are trying to get it to stop." His voice is calm, but you can hear a hitch of fear as he speaks. "They made us leave, but I am standing in the doorway."

"I am on my way.." You tell him but are quickly interrupted.

"Aaron. You cannot do anything for her here, there is nothing for you to do here. I am watching her. You need to go with Morgan and Emily." He pauses. "This seizure has been going on for a while, Aaron." And you can tell what he is thinking and you bow your head. "Find him while she is still with us.."

You don't respond to that, instead, you disconnect the call and race out the door, trampolining over the envelope still waiting for you on the floor.


	15. Danger

**AN: I am sorry for the lack of updates. It took me forever to write this one, and the way it turns out is not in anyway how I imagined this story going. But I think it ended up working! Let me know! And thank you for all of your reviews:**

She is beautiful, absolutely, stunningly gorgeous. Her hair is a mess, her face is swollen and black and blue, her cheeks are red hot from the raging fever, but she is gorgeous.

You will have to have one of the nurses brush her hair for her, after all, you know JJ would be embarrassed if she knew her hair was in this state. And it makes you smile, remembering her voice, her laughter, her personality. And you miss it.

You miss all of her. And she is laying right in front of you- and you miss her more than when she had been transferred.

You know it isn't good right now, you had been at the crime scene when you got a second call from Rossi- another seizure had occurred and Dr. Molly was pacing. And in the pits of your stomach, you know this was the beginning of the end.

And fuck what Cruz had ordered, he could fire you for all you cared, you raced over to JJ. Damn the twenty four hour ban.

And you were at her side as soon as you could be. You had called Will and let him know and he had explained he was desperately trying to make it back.

He had developed the flu, a day after Henry had- and they both were down for the count. They both had high fevers, vomiting, all of it- and you know there is no way in hell that Dr. Molly will let them near JJ.

But when Dr. Molly sat down with you and asked if there is anyone who could watch Henry so Will can visit, you know that pit feeling in your stomach was right. The doctors were preparing you to say goodbye.

And you were not ready to do it. So, selfishly, you lied. You told Dr. Molly nobody was available, and that because JJ's shooter was still on the run, her family was in protective custody. Nobody was available to watch Henry. Period. There was no way around it.

You did it so you didn't have to verbally hear what Dr. Molly was going to inform you- you bought yourself some time. You got yourself a break. At JJ's expense.

You have asked numerous times if she is in any pain, and every time you have been reassured that she is not. That they are monitoring her and she is showing no signs of pain.

It scares you. Why isn't she feeling pain? Shouldn't she be feeling something? Or is she that far gone that she truly isn't feeling anything? You don't know which is better to think about?

That she is feeling pain, which to you indicates that some part of JJ is still there.

Or.

Or that she isn't feeling any pain. If she isn't feeling any pain, what does that say about brain damage?

You don't know which one is better, or worse. You hate the idea of her being in any pain, but if that meant she had any chance of coming back to you- you hope she is feeling something.

"Agent Hotchner?"

You look up startled to see a nurse walk into the room, a small bucket in his hands.

"Because her fever is so high, we thought it would be a good idea to try and cool her down by giving her a bath."

You nod and stand up, knowing he is going to ask you to step out of the room.

"It'll only be a minute, Agent." He promises. That's fine, you need to find some fresh coffee anyway.

And as he begins whistling to himself you start heading out, when his voice stops you. "Agent?" He is reaching towards you, your badge in hand. "Don't think you want to lose that." He grins.

When you reach out to take it from him, you see it. A healing scratch on his arm, on his neck, his finger. It looks like someone…

And you make eye contact at the same time as you both go for your weapons.

He grins at you, the gun pointed, but not at you. At JJ.

"Go ahead, agent. Please, give me the chance to shoot her again."

And you look around and realize something quickly- he has blocked the only way out, and has a gun to your agent's head. In a room filled with oxygen, in a hospital filled with innocent lives.

He laughs as he sees what you just have. "Put it down." He commands nodding to your weapon. "I have all the control here."

And as much as you hate to admit it, as you put the gun down, you see that he is right. He has complete control over the situation- and now, JJ cannot get the medical help she desperately is reliant on.

"You touch her and I swear.." You hiss as you see the man reach over to JJ.

"You swear what, agent? That you will protect her? Because you sure did a great job at that last time." He laughs and you swallow as he strokes his hand down JJ's cheek.

"She's got a fever, huh?" He says softly as he gazes at the massive amount of tubing and meds pumping into JJ. His hand grabs one of the tubes and runs his fingers down it before looking back over to you. "You see agent, I know what every single one of these machines and tubes, and wires does. Every one of them. If you so much as try and signal for help, all it takes is for me to quickly.." He snaps his fingers, "turn a setting off or on, rip out a tube- I could do so much and not even have to pull the trigger."

You lick your lips and know he is right- and now JJ is in more danger than when she was seconds before she was shot. And again, you have put her there.

But this time, you silently promise her, she will be safe, she will not be hurt again- you just have to figure out how to keep that promise and hope that when JJ wakes up; she will never have any idea about any of this.

Because now, not only have she become a patient, she is now a hostage.


	16. Blame

**AN: I debated leaving this chapter where I did, but needed to- I want to warn you, the next chapter will be hard to read. The UNSUB is NUTS.. and I want to write him that way. I left it where I did with this one so that I could warn you here about the next chapter! Please review!**

You stare at the man in front of you, watch his every movement, every action. You hang onto every word- desperately trying to stay ahead of him. To stay ahead of whatever plan he has.

And he definitely has a plan- you just have no clue as to what it is.

"What's your name?" You ask, trying to begin developing some kind of two way communication; instead of him just talking.

He lets out a chilling laugh as he fixes his gaze on JJ. "You know Agent Hotchner- back at the hotel, I debated just taking her with me, keeping her for myself." He laughs and you try and not show any emotion, you hope you don't. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" He whispers, knowing how to push your buttons.

"Isn't she, Agent?" His voice shifts from almost carefree to angry and dark. He stares at you, almost silently demanding an answer.

"She is." You agree. JJ is beautiful and you begin to think- no, not now. But as you watch him touch her, gaze at her, you start to realize an insidious thought. This man- whoever he is- is obsessed with JJ.

You see it. In the way he touches her, speaks to her, stares at her- he is dangerously obsessed with your agent.

"Why didn't you?" You ask, looking up to him.

"Didn't I what?" He has you cornered, his back to the locked door- you have no way out. Not that you would leave without JJ. And she isn't leaving- she is depending on the machines.

"Take her with you?" You are trying anything, anything to get his focus off of JJ and onto you, to get him to stop touching her.

He shakes his head. "I didn't have a place to take her. And I didn't want her going back to that devil.." He scoffs as he says it, and you immediately see it as Will. "I knew this was the closest hospital and I knew that if she survived, she would be brought here.."

"You planned it.."

"From the very beginning agent." He grins at you. "She had it coming to her anyway.."

That catches you by surprise. "Why?"

And his face turns red and you begin to see the mistake you just made. His hands stop moving down JJ's body and one goes to his pockets; where he pulls out a syringe.

"Do you know what this is, agent?" He gestures to the loaded syringe. You shake your head, as you look to JJ, hoping he isn't going to do anything. Not yet.

He huffs a bit and grabs one of the tubes near JJ's neck- her central line. "It's Dopamine.." He pauses, and you watch as his mind seems to jump to another thought.

"Have the doctors here told you anything, agent? Or have they been sugar coating everything for you? Trying to play nice?"

You swallow but do not answer.

"Yeah, that's what I figured. They've been playing nice to you, agent. She is going to die, her injuries are too severe. The staff just doesn't know how to tell you that. They've known for a while now- all this bitch is is wasted space. She isn't going to wake up. I've been in on the team conferences discussing her care- there is no hope for her. She's dead, they just need permission to pull the plug and finally let her go and quit wasting valuable bed space. I might as well help her along. What do you think?"

He doesn't give you a chance, and in an instant you watch as he presses the syringe to the line and injects the medication into JJ's body. Almost instantly you watch as one of the monitors above JJ's head begins beeping- and you know nobody is coming. The hospital has been evacuated.

Your eyes are glued as you see the number jump from 85, to 130.

"It's her heart rate, agent." He laughs. "I sped up her heart rate, its at a dangerous level now- it could kill her."

"What did she do?" You hate phrasing it like that, putting the blame on JJ, but you have to figure out the motive if JJ stands any chance.

His eyes grow dark. "Fucking bitch took my son from me." And he grabs another wire...


	17. Rage

**AN: PLEASE READ, THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT! This UNSUB is crazy, violent and evil. TRIGGER WARNING of sexual assualt although there is no detail. Please be careful as you read this one.**

The man in front of you is psychotic, you can clearly tell that. And he is pacing, back and forth, mumbling words under his breath that you cannot identify. You have tried to speak to him, but he is not responding.

The only thing he will do is periodically look back a JJ and scream at her, before holding the gun back to her head. Thankfully, he has not pulled the trigger. Not yet- but you have no doubt he will.

He has made it perfectly clear that he has every intention of killing her. And it's downright terrifying.

You do not know what to do, how can you negotiate with a man who in the middle of a psychotic break? The sad realization is, you know you cannot. No amount of words, threats, or deals you make will help. Not when he is so far over the edge.

You have tried, tried to question him about his son, about JJ's involvement- but one word- something you said, triggered this. This manic person pacing about with a gun- and you still cannot identify what that trigger word is.

And then, just as quickly as it started, it stops. You watch as he seems to blink his eyes and slow his pacing before glaring back at JJ. He doesn't even seem to process that you are in the room with them.

You ball your hands into fists as you watch him sit next to JJ on her bed, and grab a washcloth from the basin he had brought in. You can only imagine how cold the water is as he gently, carefully, dips the cloth into the basin and rings it out. It's when he begins running the soaked cloth over JJ's face and neck, that you begin to feel nauseated.

"It's okay baby, you'll feel better soon." He whispers as the washcloth continues to trail down her body. "I'll make you feel better- just like I did last time."

And you lose it. You lose it right then and there. "Stop." You hiss at him, but he pays you no mind as he continues about his task.

You bite the inside of your cheek hard enough to draw blood when you see him grab a comb from the bedside table drawer and carefully brush it through her hair, pulling it out of the way and into a bun. "There ya go, sweetie. Hopefully that will help your fever come down. We don't need it so high."

You swear you are watching the epitome of dissociative identity disorder happening right in front of you, watching this man switch from one personality to another. One is caring and loving, sweet-tempered as he cares for JJ.

The other, the other is the dangerous one, and that is the one that is becoming more and more prominent, the one that is showing his ugly face for longer periods of time. This is the one that will kill JJ, and as his hands wash JJ's face, you wonder when he will switch back and his hands become weapons again.

"Honey." His voice catches you off guard and you shake yourself out of your thought process; right now, he doesn't seem to know you are present, and if that is what is keeping JJ alive, then so be it. "I'm not sure you can hear me, but I need to finish giving you a bath. I'm not going to hurt you, but I need to lift up your gown."

You suck in a deep breath, trying to figure out what to do. You don't have any time and you have to rationalize that while he is bathing your agent- he is not harming her. You have to make that become your motto as he does just that and raises her gown.

You despise him, despise him for touching your agent in places that.. no. As a nurse, you wouldn't think twice about him bathing her- but he is much more than that. He is the shooter that almost killed her, and the man who tried again minutes earlier. You don't see him as taking care of her now, now you see him as sexually assaulting her.

You hate that you cannot divert your eyes, but you need to focus on this to make sure he doesn't try anything. You are damn sure at this point that if he did, you would charge him- gun be dammed.

And then everything changes, from where you stand, you see it, you see them. Bruises litter the inside of her thighs, big and small, some an angry dark purple, others starting to fade. And as his hands guide themselves down her thighs you find yourself no longer the controlled FBI agent, you find yourself the over protective, angry friend.

"What did you do?" You growl at him and watch as his hands stop.

And you know- the only thing you have just accomplished, was making this much worse for JJ. And he turns and glares at you, and you see the switch happen. From good to evil, his hands still on her..

He chuckles before looking up at you. "What do you think I did, agent?"

Your entire body is shaking right now as you glare at him in utter disbelief. "You raped her?"

He howls with laughter at it, at the mere word. "I wouldn't call it that- she didn't fight."

In the back of your mind, you hear yourself yelling to stay calm, to be that FBI agent, but something else is coming through, and it is pure, unadulterated rage. It was one thing to shoot JJ when she had a weapon, but to sexually assault her when she is unconscious in a hospital bed takes your rage to a new level you never knew existed.

"Then what do you call it?" You dare to ask as you take a step forward.

"BACK UP!" He shouts at you and suddenly the gun is back on JJ. "Back the fuck up!" You don't have a chance to respond because he has gone from calm to irritate in a second, and you know now, it is now that if there is any chance of rescue, it has to be now.

"I warned you!" He screams before grabbing a tube and disconnecting it. Your eyes instantly dart to the monitors- waiting for anything. "It's her chest tube, agent! Right now there is air filling space in her lungs.. she'll die.."

"You have to stop, she doesn't.." God, what are you going to do? You cannot fix a chest tube, you need a doctor- and you need one now. The monitors are flashing and screaming and as they get louder, he gets more anxious.

He is running his hands over his face now and sweating, he has completely decompensated and you know he is not coming back. JJ has no time.

"Fucking BITCH!" His eyes lock on JJ, and he reaches down and grabs her head, shaking her. "You took my son.."

You are hoping, praying that SWAT is moving in, there is no time left. He grabs another tube near her arm and looks to you again.

"I'm going to kill her agent, and you cannot stop me." He laughs and he twists off a red cap. "She's is going to bleed to death, she has maybe a minute.."

And you see it, you watch as blood begins to flow from the tube, staining the bed sheet and JJ. And he picks up the gun again and aims it at JJ. "Nope, I am not waiting for her to bleed to death- she doesn't deserve another damn minute."

And you hear a gunshot.


	18. To be at Peace

**AN: Thank you all so much for your support of this story. I have mentioned it briefly in my other stories that I survived human trafficking and so much more. I am debating writing a JJ story on that issue..**

The gunshot sent you to the ground, pure instinct. You didn't know who it had come from, or where, but you knew one thing. Someone had to act, and they had to do it now. And you are the only someone available.

You slowly, carefully stand back up all the while keeping your eyes on the gunman. He is pacing again, and you take a quick glance at JJ. You don't see any new injuries, but see something else that is concerning.

The amount of blood pouring from the open tube in her arm is frightenign. It is too much blood and now, with a deep breath, you see what you have to do. You promised her not to let anyone hurt her again, and now the time has come to keep that promise, even if that means sacraficing yourself.

JJ has no more time and you close your eyes- saying a goodbye to Jack.

And you charge while he is looking down. The full force of your body knocks him down hard to the ground, and you hear the weapon drop. He is fighting hard, but you have something harder to fight for. Your life and JJ's.

And both of you are fighting for JJ's life.

One is fighting to save it, the other to end it.

He has come so close, but you refuse to allow him to do it; not if you can do anything to stop it.

And you fight him, fight with everything in you. You are doing more than just attempting to restrain him, you have one goal in mind and only one goal.

To make sure this person, this animal, never opens his eyes again.

He is still ranting and screaming at you as blood pours from his nose and mouth, he is still fighting. You have been hit a few times, and it's an equal match- both of you approximately the same size.

Neither one has the upper hand, each throwing punches, trying to knock the other off balance and suddenly a horrible sound fills the room and it distracts you for a quick second. You turn your head and it gives him the chance he needs.

You find yourself on your back as he scrambles for the gun, if he gets it, JJ has no chance.

And he reaches the gun before you can reach him and in an instant, you find yourself on your back, on the floor with a gun pointed to you.

You are trapped and JJ will die.

He is raving about something, but his words are not anywhere near intelligible. His eyes dart back and forth between you and JJ and you know he is trying to determine who to shoot first.

And you close your eyes, not wanting your last image to be that of the eyes of a psychotic man staring back at you.

And you hear the gunshot.

You feel nothing, but hear so much.

And suddenly, a weight is being thrown off of you, and you are being lifted to your feet.

"Hotch, man, look at me!" You are staring into the eyes of Morgan, is gun still in his hands. The gunman is on the floor, quite obviously dead with a hole in the back of his head.

"JJ!" You move towards her, but are stopped.

"They're working man, they're working.."

And you sink to the floor, as you watch the staff start CPR..


	19. Support

**AN: Thank you all for your support. I am already writing my next story. This one has one more chapter left..Please review!**

If you had a pedometer, you sure you would have broken the damn thing with all the pacing you have done over the last few weeks. You could have sworn you have worn a path in the ICU waiting room- as many times as you have been forced to wait here. Every time, something critical is happening, you are asked to wait in the waiting room.

Morgan and Reid are with JJ right now and for the first time, you are on the out. You do not know what is happening with JJ and it is driving you insane.

As soon as the gunman had hit the ground, you had found Morgan's arms grabbing you and all but tossing you out of the room as the medical staff forced themselves in.

Rossi had met you and lead you to the waiting room. They had planned it; they knew they were going to have to get you out of the way. And they did a damn good job at it.

You glance at the clock, you have been pacing for nearly twenty minutes and still have not heard a damn thing. You are about to storm the gates when you see Morgan walking towards you, Reid nowhere to be found.

"Morgan!" You jump at him as soon as he enters the room and eye the swinging door.

"Hotch." He eyes you and steps directly in front of you, preventing any way of you darting to JJ. There is silence for a minute, and you take a deep breath, almost preparing yourself for what you are about to hear.

"Sit down." He orders you and in a strange role reversal, you listen to him. "Stay with me, alright."

All you can do is nod and listen as he explains everything that has happened since you were forced away from JJ.

"We still do not know who the gunman is, he had no ID on him, nothing. Emily's shot made sure he would never take another breath." He tells you in a very clear way, that the man is dead. He cannot hurt JJ ever again and for that you are forever grateful.

"JJ?" You whisper, almost afraid to ask.

Morgan nods. "They're working on her, she lost a lot of blood and they are concerned about it. Dr. Molly mentioned that she had some sort of complication with her lungs and it was another issue they are working with.." He looks down and away. "The way they were talking Hotch.." He shakes his head.

And you bow yours before speaking. "At what point do we stop this?" You find yourself asking.

"What?"

"Hurting her like this? The CPR, the tests, the surgeries.." You ramble on.

"Hotch- if JJ is ready to go, we need to let her." He tells you. "But I don't think she is. She could have at any time, and yet here she is, defying everything the doctors are telling us."

And you smile because you know he is right. But you are also aware that if JJ is ready to go, you need to voice to her that she can. And you know that is what you will be doing very soon.

Three hours later, you find yourself walking back into an ICU room, a new one. She has been transferred as the FBI begins the crime scene investigation into her other room. You nod at Dr. Molly as you walk in, not wanting to talk right now. You just want to see JJ, you just want to give her peace.

And you do, you take a seat next to her, and gently grab her hand, unable to stop the tears this time.

"JJ," You whisper. "You have always had my respect, my admiration, my unwavering support. And you always will. I want you to know that- that no matter the choice you make, my opinion of you can never change. If you feel it is your time to go, JJ, please don't let us hold you back. I cannot watch you suffer and in pain, and hope you know that if you are hanging on for us, you do not have to. Not any more. Whatever decision you make JJ, to stay with us, or move on, know that we will always love you."

And you sit back and listen. You listen to the beeping of the machines, the hiss of the ventilator, and you hear so much. You do not hear the one thing you expected, you do not hear anything noises indicating JJ is in crisis.

And for the first time in weeks, you feel as if a weight has been lifted off your chest. Because you know, whatever she chooses, you supported her.


	20. End

**A/N: This is the last chapter for this story. HOWEVER! There is a sequel in the works :)**

**Thank you all for your reviews. **

In the last ninety four days, six hours and twelve minutes, you are convinced that you have experienced the range of emotion that can be felt by one person. And sometimes, they all hit you in one day.

But today, right now, as you walk into the familiar ICU room, the emotion that hits you is one you never expected. Today, you are grateful. Grateful for so many things.

"Good morning, JJ." You greet her, just as you have do every morning you visit her. As you expect, you do not get a response- you haven't in three months.

And it scares you that you are getting accustomed to the silence, that now, you simply do not expect anything. No movement, no indication that JJ is even there.

But you are grateful, you are so grateful for so many things. And as you take JJ's hand, just as you do every visit, your mind begins to try and grasp the sure magnitude of everything you are grateful for.

And it begins with her. It begins with JJ. Just like it had months ago.

You are grateful that she is still with you; and while you understand that she will more than likely never be the person she was before the shooting; JJ is still with you.

You are grateful for the staff at the hospital, for the tireless efforts of everyone. From Saul, the janitor that would enter JJ's room and sing to her as he cleaned the room. To Irene, the social worker who sat with you and the team and Will as a DNR was discussed, who supported your decision regardless of which one you made. To the countless nurses who spent hours taking care of JJ's every need, from the medical to the ever important manicures they would give her. They would make sure her hair was always brushed and stylish, and that she was clean. They would speak to her about their families and lives, speak to her just as if she was responding back. And of course, the multiple doctors that have been entwined in JJ's complicated case from the very get go.

And to Dr. Molly, who, you have noticed, has a growing bump. And she finally confessed days ago that is pregnant, with twin girls. But she promises that she will stay with JJ until she simply cannot work anymore. She promises, as she has always done, that she will be honest and upfront with you and the team about JJ's condition. And last week she had told you all that she had every bit of concern that JJ might never wake up- that the condition JJ is in now, might be JJ for the rest of her life. However long that is.

And it sends you to anger.

Anger that you cannot fix this, fix JJ. That no amount of money, or resources can bring JJ back. It's up to JJ at this point.

Anger that you still, three months later, do not know the name of the man who shot her. In fact, you know very little about him- next to nothing. Every lead you had, turned into nothing. You had broadcasted his picture on the news in hopes someone could identify him, and still nothing.

He was a ghost. Just like he had been when he shot JJ. There simply were no answers. No idea why he shot JJ, or came back to her. His fingerprints never registered and despite Garcia's incredible tech skills, you had reached a stand still.

JJ was in a coma, and her shooter was dead. That was all you knew. And it tore at you- to be so helpless, to simply not know.

And you just think on it, think on so many things. On how Will and Henry had relocated to Dallas so that Will could be at JJ's side, how you and the team would take shifts at JJ's side, a week at a time while the rest of the time continued about their work.

And it was your week, and you were so grateful to be able to spend it with JJ.

It's nearing lunch time when you realize that you are starving, and that you can only hope the cafeteria is serving something decent today. Pizza. You could go for some pizza.

"JJ," You reach over and place your hand on her forehead, "I need to run downstairs, I will be right back." You tell her and make sure everything is okay before you step out. You gently grasp the hospital blanket and bring it up to her chin, last thing she needs is to be cold.

And you begin to pull away, when you feel it. A sudden, slow, tiny movement around your hand. Your heart seems to stop as you look down in shock and see JJ's hand holding your own, her hand holding onto on of your fingers.

"JJ." You hit the call button, and sit right back down next to her, "I'm not going anywhere.."


End file.
